My Years As A Comedian

Before I Turned 40

 I've been up all night drinking coffee and writing the best jokes you'll ever read!!! You will laugh at my jokes!!!

Knock knock? Who's there? P! P Who? Pee-ew, your jokes stink!  

 

 After I turned 40

Why couldn't the alphabet stay awake? It had too many ZZZ's in it.  

What's that you say? My jokes put you to sleep? Yeah, me, too. Goodnight. 

 

The point to my story? Don't try to think up jokes at 5 o'clock in the morning when you're past 40...unless you can think up a bunch of old jokes that don't stink! 

 

Enter to Win a Copy of Carving Up Riley!

Sign up and win a your very own copy of

'Carving Up Riley'!

 

 Come along on a fun and hilarious Thanksgiving road trip with Riley MacLeod! Read along as Riley tangles with the Cunningham Kid, gets shot at by a crazy tow truck driver, fights with a deranged cat, gets chased a killer truck driver, tased by a psychotic cop and nearly killed by two dangerous criminals...all before he even leaves the state of Vermont! 

'Carving Up Riley' takes you on a hilarious adventure with Riley MacLeod, a full-time writer, husband, dad, best friend who fights to prove he is as sane as anyone else--even though he hears a shark talking to him in his mind at times. Riley is a lovable character who is a magnet for trouble--and a guy who is hated by his neighbors, especially Old Man Murray. Riley also has a crazy imagination that is always controlling his mouth!

 

Come along and win a fun and humorous Thanksgiving road trip comedy! 

 

 

                                                                 

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No Magic Joke

 

A magician was performing a magic show before a crowd of kids. He reached into his hat and pulled out a rabbit. "A rabbit!" the magician exclaimed.

"Big deal," a kid boos. "You got a rabbit cage under the table and a hole in the bottom of your hat!" 

The magician frowned. "Okay, smarty pants, for my next trick I will saw someone in half." 

The magician puts his assistant into a long wooden box and saws her in half. "She's sawed in half but still alive!" 

"Big deal," the same kid boos. "The legs on the other end are fake!"

All the other kids laugh.

The magician frowns again. "Okay, Mr. Know-It-All, for my next trick I will turn my scarf into a dove!"

He throws a scarf into the air. White smoke explodes. A pigeon flies out of the smoke. 

"Big deal," the kid boos. "You had a dove in your jacket! You let it out when the smoke appeared!"

The magician reached his limit. "Okay, kid, for my next trick I'm going to make you vanish."

"Oh, I'm so scared," the kid laughed. "Hit me with your best shot!"

The magician reached into his pocket and pulled out a cellphone. He called the cops. "Hello, police, I have a kid who sneaked into my show without paying."

The kid gulped and vanished faster than a flash of lightning. The magician took a bow. "That was my best trick all day, and it didn't even require any magic!" 

Carving Up Riley Quiz

 Fun Riley MacLeod Quiz 

                           

 

                             Question: What did Riley call the teenager who stole his clothes?

  Question: What was Riley wearing when the tow truck driver began shooting at him?

                             Question: What fruit did Riley use to clog up a tail pipe?                                        

            Question: What Fast Food Restaurant did Riley lose his clothes at (again)?  

  Question: Who tried to shoot Riley while he was trapped in a traffic jam on a snowy highway?

                                  Question: Who did Riley's wife end up beating up at a hotel? 

       Question: What did Riley call two dangerous criminals that tried to kill him? 

                                                            Question: Who tased Riley? 

                            Question: What planet does Riley claim his sister-in-law is from? 

                  Question: What is the name of the cat Riley is always fighting with?

          Question: What item did Riley's two daughters leave at the top of the stairs?

                               Final Question: Who is the old man who lives across from Riley
                                                                                  

                            
                                                                                                                                                                            

The answers to the quiz can be found in the first installment of  the Riley MacLeod series!!!

Carving Up Riley

 Riley MacLeod Series

"Carving Up Riley"

 https://www.amazon.com/Carving-Up-Riley-MacLeod-Book/dp/B0BZFG511Q/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1680044691&sr=1-1

https://www.booksamillion.com/p/Carving-Up-Riley/Paul-Flanagan/9798388990082 

https://bookshop.org/p/books/carving-up-riley-riley-macleod-series-book-1-paul-flanagan/19940090

 

 Synopsis:

Meet Riley MacLeod...loving husband...caring father...faithful friend...successful writer...and the world's biggest idiot. Of course, in Riley's insane mind he sees himself as the world's biggest...well...hero. However, when Riley's wife insists they take a romantic drive from Vermont to Minnesota to spend Thanksgiving with her family who is far from normal themselves, the man who is hated by his neighbors and loathed by an angry tom cat, sets out to prove that he isn't an idiot...under duress, of course.

The trip begins with Riley getting tied up by his best friend, his clothes stolen by a group of mischievous teenagers, and a tow truck driver with a happy gun finger. Determined to keep pushing forward, under duress of course, Riley continues down the road desperately trying to leave the state of Vermont only to encounter a killer truck driver, a girl with strange colored hair, and a pair of old people who turn out to be drug dealers. Yet, through it all, Riley somehow turns out to be a hero...well, kinda.

Will Riley MacLeod and his wife make it to the Thanksgiving table in one piece or will they end up in a mental hospital locked away in little padded rooms?

 

About the series:  

 The Riley MacLeod series is revolves around a goofy husband who writes movies for a living. Riley lives in Vermont with his wife and two daughters. He lives in a neighborhood full of neighbors that want him deported to Antarctica. Riley has a best friend named Charlie. Charlie is almost as insane as Riley. Riley possesses a crazy imagination and sense of humor--along with a mouth that he can never keep closed--that is constantly getting him into trouble. 

In the first installment of the Riley MacLeod series Riley and his wife Rebecca decide to drive from Vermont to Minnesota for Thanksgiving. They send their two daughters on ahead and intend to have a nice, romantic, drive. Right? Well, that was the goal. But we're talking about Riley MacLeod. What begins as a hopeful, romantic, road trip ends with up Riley getting tied up by his best friend, having his clothes stolen, getting shot at, beat up, chased, threatened and even tased. And that all happens before he even manages to leave the state of Vermont. 

The Riley MacLeod series will consists of six-fun filled installments that will you keep you laughing as you turn each page.

 

About the Author:

Paul Flanagan is on a mission to write clean comedy books that families can read together. Clean, fun, laughter derived from hilarious characters and comical situations are his tools--along with a crazy imagination full of insane, funny, quirky and friendly characters.

Paul believes clean comedy books are needed in a world where smut and filth are published at a breath taking speed. His goal is to publish short,clean, comedy books that families can sit down and laugh at together. His goal is to bring back decent comedy books.

Paul loves Jesus with all his heart. His desire is to honor G-D in all he does. 

 

Future installments (stay tuned!)

Riley MacLeod: "Getting Riley to the Party on Time"

Riley MacLeod:  "You're Dead Meat Riley"

Riley MacLeod:  "A Riley MacLeod Christmas Carol"

Humor For The Older Guys: The Colonoscopy Song!

 

A Song For Chick-Fil-A (Comedian Tim Hawkins)