Tuesday, September 1, 2026
Sunday, August 30, 2026
I'll Have A Soda With My Joke!
Matt loved soda. All day he drank nothing but soda. All night he dreamed about soda. All he ever talked about was soda.
At school Matt's teacher told the class to write a paper on how they spent their summer vacation. "I want you to write about who you met, how you felt and the things you did."
Matt went home and thought about his summer vacation and then wrote his paper. When the teacher passed out grades Matt saw he got an F on his paper.
"But why did I get an F?" he complained to his teacher.
"I told you to write about how you spent your summer vacation. I wanted you to write about who you met, how you felt and the things you did."
"I did just what you said," Matt insisted.
Matt's teacher frowned and then read his paper out loud: "Pepsi Cola came to town. Mellow Yello knocked him down. Coca Cola picked him up. Dr. Pepper fixed him up. They're all friends now."
Matt smiled. "I had a great summer."
He still got an F on his paper.
McJokes Are On Us!
Picture from Free Clip Art
Little Patty was on the playground playing happily. Suddenly a bully walked up and started making fun of her. "Look at the little patty!"
"You better stop making fun of me!" Little Patty warned.
The Bully laughed. "And what are you going to do if I don't, huh?"
"I'm going to tell my brother! He's really tough!" Little Patty promised.
"Oh, I'm so scared!" The bully started to squawk like a chicken.
"You'll be sorry!" Little Patty ran off and got her brother and brought him back. The bully gulped and ran off when he saw him. "Yep, bullies always run away when they see Big Mac!"
Ants In Your Joke!
Peter was excited to go to a family reunion. "I can't wait to meet everybody!" he told his parents "By the way, where is the family reunion going to be?"
When his parents told Peter where the family reunion was going to be he ran inside and grabbed a can of bug spray. "Okay, I'm all ready. We won't have any problems!"
"Why did you grab a can of bug spray?" his parents asked.
"Well, you told me the family reunion is going to be held at Aunt Hills!"
Friday, August 28, 2026
Thursday, August 27, 2026
Don't Joke With Your Food!
Why was the hot dog so tired? It could never mustard enough strength to ketchup to his friends!
Did you hear the pizza got a sunburn? Yeah, it was always being served hot and ready!
Why did the milk work out all the time? Because it wanted to look good for the Dairy Queen!
Why can't anyone get a cookie sad? Because a cookie is happy even when the chips are down!
Why did the ice cream end up in a mental hospital? It had a complete melt down!
Wednesday, August 26, 2026
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)
My Brother Ain't So Smart
Daily Joke
(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).
My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over for dinner. When she arrived my brother had all the dinner guest face the dining room wall. His mother-in-law asked him why he had all the dinner guest face the wall.
My brother replied, "Before you arrived your daughter said you like to talk behind people's back. Now everyone's back is to you so you can talk away!"
Hey, It's Time For Some Yogi Jokes!
Picture from Free Clip Art
Why was Yogi's best friend so sad? Because everyone called him Boo Boo!
Why didn't Yogi Bear ever get upset? Because everyday was a walk in the park to him!
Did you hear Ranger Smith hated working with Yogi? Yeah, he had to Bear each day!
Did you hear Boo Boo had to go to the eye doctor? Yeah, he was always teary eyed!
What is Ranger Smith's favorite snack? Bear Claws!
How does Yogi leave his computer during the winter months? On hibernation mode!
Did you hear Yogi got in trouble with the law? Yeah, he got a Parking ticket!
Did you hear Yogi went crazy? Yeah, he stole too many fruit baskets!
Did you hear Yogi stole some picnic baskets? Yeah, he barely escaped with them!
Why was Yogi the funniest bear around? Because had a bunch of ties to some good jokes!
Monday, August 24, 2026
Snow Mail Today Jokes
Roger the Snowman was getting ready to go check his mailbox. His wife asked him why? "We never get any mail," his wife complained.
Roger sighed. "I guess you're right. We never get any mail."
"Well maybe we would," Roger's wife fussed, "if you stopped giving all of our friends a cold shoulder!"
Where do Snowmen go to get their mail? The Frost Office!
Junior Snowman was sick. His mother brought him a bowl of hot soup. "Aw mom," he complained, "now my nose is really gonna run!"
Betty the Snowman had just finished vacuuming her home when her children ran in and spread snow everywhere. "Look what you children are doing! You're making my clean rug all white again!"
Bob the Snowman hated his job. He asked his boss for a transfer. "Why?" his boss asked.
Bob threw up his hands and exclaimed: "Because I work with a bunch of flakes!"
Sunday, August 23, 2026
Saturday, August 22, 2026
Laugh With Tom and Jerry
Picture from Free Clip Art Library
Why couldn't Tom trust Jerry with a secret? Jerry was a real ratfink!
Why couldn't Jerry ever keep a secret? He was always letting the cat out of the bag!
Why didn't Jerry invite Tom to his birthday? Tom always brought cheesy presents!
Did you hear Jerry played a lot of pranks on Tom? Yeah, he set up a lot of mousetraps!
Did you hear Tom and Jerry moved to different places? Yeah, they liked to write about their 'Tail of Two Cities'.
Who did Tom cheer for when he watched Inspector Gadget? Dr. Claw!
Did you hear Tom got in trouble with the law? Yeah, he was caught Cat Littering!
Who does Tom have a crush on? Catwoman!
Did you hear Jerry worked as an eye doctor? Yeah, he had to take care of three blind mice!
Why does Tom tell the best jokes? Because all of his jokes have nine punch lines!
Family Joke Time
Peter wanted a raise in his allowance. "Dad, I really need the extra money buy a new bike!"
Peter's dad thoughtfully rubbed his chin. "If you do some more chores I'll give you five extra dollars a week," he tried to make a deal.
"But dad, I need the new bike now!" Peter complained. "It'll take me forever to save up the money."
Peter's dad thoughtfully rubbed his chin again. "Okay, if you wash my car, I'll give you the money you need."
Peter smiled. "Wow, dad, I can do that. You bet!"
Peter took off to wash his dad's car. An hour later his dad found him playing video games. "Why aren't you doing your chores? I thought you needed money for a new bike."
"Well, dad, I tried. But I couldn't finish washing your car."
"Now, son, that's all I told you to do. You shouldn't be a quitter. You have to roll up your sleeves and put some elbow grease into your work. Now, do you want your new bike or not?"
"Yes, but--"
"No excuses!" Peter's dad fussed. "Now you get back outside and finish washing my car right now!"
"But dad, I can't," Peter insisted.
"Then you don't get the money you need for your new bike." Peter's dad announced and walked away.
Peter sighed. "Gee, what a time for mom to have to go grocery shopping."
A Sweet Joke
Roger the Donut was nervous about trying out for sports.
First he tried out for football. No good. He kept fumbling the ball.
Next he tried out for baseball. No good. He couldn't hit the ball.
Then he tried out for basketball. No good. He couldn't make a basket.
Each day he came home feeling sad and disappointed. His parents told him to keep trying and to never give up.
One day Roger ran home and in an excited voice exclaimed: "Mom, dad! I found a sport I'm good at!"
"What sport is that?" his parents asked.
"Golf! I'm always making a hole-in-one!"
Tuesday, August 18, 2026
Technology Makes Me Sick Jokes
Picture from Free Clip Art Library
How did the nurse tell the computer to eat his soup? She told him to take megabytes!
Why do computers make great firefighters? Nothing can get past their fire walls!
What does a female computer like to wear when it goes out on a date? Software!
Why can't a computer get hurt? It wears a lot of hardware!
Did you hear the computer had a good cleaning job? Yeah, it had a bunch of Windows to clean!
Did you hear the computer was fired from its job? Yeah, it was always Asleep!
Did you the hear the computer wanted to be famous? Yeah, it really wanted to be on the big screen!
Why isn't a computer good at debating? It keeps getting shutdown!
Why did the computer get taken to the hospital? It received a horrible screenshot!
Why can't a computer ever get over being sick? It never has enough Vitamin C in it's drive!
Tuesday, August 11, 2026
Whacky Fun Jokes
What did the bird say to the sleeping man?
I'm sorry, I have to go!
Did you hear the dad always went crazy at breakfast?
Yeah, he was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!
Why did the turkey get scared when he saw hunters putting up a tent? There wasn't enough stakes around!
Did you hear the Chef would only come out and cook at night?
Yeah, he would only cook Moon Pies!
Why happened after the turtle fought a bunch of outlaws at high noon?
He spent the rest of the day picking up all of his shells!
My Sarcastic Turtle
I wanted to paint my house. My turtle said he would help. I joked and said, "No thanks, if you help it'll be slow going!"
I thought my joke was funny. My turtle did not.
My
turtle took all the paint and covered me with it. Then he grinned and
told me my jokes were now colorful. After that he went inside and
watched cartoons for the rest of the day.
Now when my turtle offers to help me paint I just hand him a paint brush and keep my mouth shut.
I have a very sarcastic turtle.
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)
My Brother Ain't So Smart
Daily Joke
(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).
My brother ain't so smart. He took his family to an amusement park for a fun day out. When it came lunch time he vanished. His family had to call a friend to drive them home. When they got home they saw my brother looking depressed. His wife asked him what was wrong and why he had left the amusement park.
My brother answered, "At the amusement park our daughter said she wanted a hot dog for lunch. It's been hot all day but I haven't been able to find a dog. I've been looking for hours and now it's cooling off. Looks like she won't get her hot dog."
Friday, August 7, 2026
Time For The Jokes To Fall
Picture from Free Clip Art Library
Why did the leaf hurt itself when summer ended? It was always 'Falling' down!
Why did the tree get along with Grizzly's when Autumn arrived? Because it was very 'Bare'!
Why did the Turkey get a belly ache? Because it always 'Gobbled' its food down!
Why were birds afraid when it got dark during the Autumn months? They were 'Scare Crows'!
Where do people get flat tires fixed during Autumn? At 'Pumpkin Patches'!
What do people who greet people like to do for fun during the Autumn Months? They like to go on 'Hay Rides'.
What apple is a little old and arrives late but makes Autumn great? 'Granny Smith'!
Did you hear the autumn months worked for the CIA? Yeah, they're full of 'Prairie Spy' Apples!
What do Churches play during the Autumn Months? 'Hay Bales'!
Why is a tree so funny during Autumn? Because its jokes are always 'Colorful'!
Thursday, July 30, 2026
Monday, July 27, 2026
My Sarcastic Turtle
My turtle was going to the grocery store to get some ingredients to make pies. I joked and said, "Don't forget to buy some good shells!"
I thought my joke was funny. My turtle did not.
My turtle came home with a bag full of vitamins and told me to take some. I asked him why.
He said because my brain needs a boost when I tell dumb jokes. He shoved an entire bottle of vitamins down my throat.
Now when my turtle wants to bake pies I just ask him for a slice and keep my mouth shut.
I have a very sarcastic turtle.
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)
My Brother Ain't So Smart
Daily Joke
(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).
My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over to dinner. When she arrived she found a psychiatrist sitting next to my brother at the dinner table. She asked my brother why he invited a psychiatrist to dinner.
My brother answered: "My wife said you drive people crazy. The psychiatrist is here to help the other dinner guest stay sane."
The Plumber's Wishes
One day Ralph the Plumber was called to the home of of a pretty woman. Oh, how he hated being a plumber. He despised his job. And what pretty woman would pay him any mind?
"I flushed my my car keys down the toilet by mistake," the woman informed Ralph. "Please hurry. I have a very important date."
"Don't worry. I'll get your keys." Ralph walked into a nice bathroom feeling low and sad. To his shock the toilet began to talk.
"I'll grant you three wishes," the toilet told Ralph.
Ralph thought he was going crazy, but the toilet was really talking. "Okay, my first wish is to be very rich."
"Done." Tons of gold and tall piles of money appeared around Ralph. "What is your next wish."
"Well, I would like a pretty wife."
"Done," the toilet said. The woman who had called Ralph about her keys appeared next to him wearing a pretty dress. "What is your last wish?"
Wow, Ralph thought, I'm rich and I have a pretty wife. I still got one wish left. And I know just what my last wish is going to be. "I wish I was the smartest man in the world."
Suddenly all the money and gold vanished. The pretty woman vanished. "Hey, what's the big idea?" Ralph demanded.
"Smart men do not believe toilets can grant wishes," the toilet answered.
Sunday, July 26, 2026
Ayyy, It's Time For Some Happy Days Jokes
Picture from Free Clip-Art Library
Why was Happy Days so talkative? It had a lot of Malphs!
Why did people from the future go see Mr. Cunningham? He had a lot of hardware!
Who made Happy Days very wealthy? Richie!
What did Ralph think of the actor who played him? He thought he was the Most!
What did Richie give his girlfriend? A famous Linda Purl!
Why was the Fonze so angry when he went into a furniture store? He was told to sit on it!
Why did Richie's Band go see the Fonze? They needed a good tune up!
Did you hear no one was ever lonely on Happy Days? They had a lot of Goodfriend's around.
Why was Mrs. Cunningham so tired after attending three weddings in one week ? There was a lot of Marion going on!
What does the Fonze tell his grandchildren? Ayyy, those were some Happy Days!
Friday, July 24, 2026
Thursday, July 23, 2026
Let's Hit Some Funny Notes!
Photo from Free Clip-Art Library
Why did the pianist fail his class? He kept forgetting his notes!
Did you hear the pianist couldn't get into his home? Yeah, he couldn't find the right key!
Did you hear the pianist had to get stitches? Yeah, he cut himself on a lot of sharp notes!
Where does a pianist live in London? In his flat!
Why was the pianist so poor? He only had quarter notes in his pocket!
Did you hear the sheet music went to prison? Yeah, it really ended up behind bars!
Why was the pianist so tired all the time? He could only get in a half rest during the day!
Did the you hear the sheet music was very forgetful? Yeah, it kept repeating the same notes!
Why didn't the pianist like the playing the violin? It wasn't his forte!
Why did the pianist get in trouble when he brought his report card home? He had some serious Major F's on it!
Wednesday, July 22, 2026
Mother Of All Jokes
Photo from Free Clip-Art Library
Dan worked hard day and night, but he couldn't afford to send his wife to the beauty parlor each week.
"We just can't afford it right now," Dan explained. "We have bills to pay and groceries and clothes to buy. We have a car payment and the kids need money for braces." On and on Dan rattled off all the bills.
Finally his wife yelled: "Okay, okay, I get it."
Dan felt bad. "Listen honey, you have a lot of time on your hands each day. Why don't you get a part-time job and earn some money to go to the beauty parlor?"
His wife liked the idea. For one week straight she left her home and went to her job for a couple of hours. Dan was very proud.
Then one night Dan heard police sirens. His wife came running into the house wearing a mask and holding a bag of stolen money. "What in the world is going on?"
His wife slammed the front door closed. "Well, you told me to get a part-time job, remember?"
"Yeah," Dan nodded his head.
"Well, you know how good I am at cleaning?" his wife exclaimed.
"Yeah, yeah," Dan said as police cars pulled up in front of his house.
"Well, I've been going around town all week cleaning out every bank I could find!"
Tuesday, July 21, 2026
Laugh With Daren Streblow
Christian Comedian Daren Streblow
Come along and enjoy a buffet full of clean laughs!
Don't Be Afraid to Laugh Until You Cry!
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)
My Brother Ain't So Smart
Daily Joke
(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).
My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over for dinner. When she arrived my brother immediately put a blanket on her and made her stand in front of a heater. His mother-in-law asked him what in the world he was doing.
My brother answered, "Before you arrived your daughter said your heart is colder than ice. I'm just trying to warm your heart up!"
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)
My Brother Ain't So Smart
Daily Joke
(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).
My brother ain't so smart. He felt bad because he told his wife a joke and she didn't laugh. He asked his wife why she didn't laugh at his joke. After his wife told him the reason my brother grabbed a flashlight and went outside. He stayed outside all night long. Finally his wife asked him what he was doing.
My brother answered, "You didn't laugh at my joke because you said I lost my sense of humor. I've been outside all night trying to find it."
Ventriloquist Meets the Mafia Jokes
Photo from Free Clip-Art Library
Why did the Mafia Boss fire the ventriloquist? He was a real dummy!
Did you the hear the ventriloquist tried to plead the Fifth Amendment? He couldn't because his mouth kept moving!
Did you hear the Mafia boss kept teasing the ventriloquist? Yeah, he kept throwing his voice around!
What did the Mafia boss tell the ventriloquist when the cops arrived? Keep your mouth shut!
Why was the ventriloquist a bad witness in court? He was too tight-lipped!
Why did the Mafia Boss think the ventriloquist was crazy? He had a lot of voices in his head!
Why was the Mafia Boss suspicious over the ventriloquist? He didn't sound real enough!
What did the Mafia Boss tell the ventriloquist about his dummy? He's a real chip off the old block!
Did you hear the ventriloquist witnessed the Mafia Boss commit a crime? Yeah, but he never said a word!
Why didn't the ventriloquist need a gun to protect himself against the Mafia Boss? Because he was always shooting off at the mouth!
Will You Marry Me Jokes
Photo from Free Clip-Art Library
Why was the woman so mad at her boyfriend? He wasn't Engaging enough!
Why couldn't the newlyweds communicate very well? Their reception was bad!
Did you hear the newlyweds had a sweet tooth? Yeah, they liked their Honeymoon!
Why was the woman so tired when she was proposed to? Her boyfriend was running rings around her!
How do newlyweds see through their eyes? Love at first sight!
Did you hear the husband was worried over the bills? Yeah, he could only get a penny for his wife's thoughts!
Why did the woman hit her boyfriend with a broom when he asked her to marry him? He didn't propose in a way that swept her off her feet!
Did you hear the newlyweds bought two rifles? Yeah, they wanted to go house hunting!
Why did the boyfriend take his girlfriend to go bungee jumping? He was ready to take the leap with her!
What did the husband say when his wife told him she was pregnant? You're kidding!
My Sarcastic Turtle
My turtle told me he wanted to go to the beach for the day.
I joked and said: Don't be too crabby if you don't find any shells!
I thought my joke was funny. My turtle did not.
My turtle came home from the beach with some crabs. He put the crabs in my bed while I was sleeping.
The next time my turtle went to the beach I just told him to have a good time.
I have a very sarcastic turtle.
Jokes With Comedy The Dog
How does a hockey player shoot a gun? With a bunch of slap shots!
Why don't family reunions happen at picnics? There's too many aunts around!
Why was the history teacher so paranoid? Because he kept thinking the past was behind him!
Why did the man take a bowl of fruit to see a psychiatrist? Because his wife said she wanted some fruit loops!
What did the gun use to make a great slide show with? A lot of bullet points!
Did you hear the missile wasn't chosen for a promotion? Yeah, its work attitude wasn't explosive enough!
What snack did the cookie asked for when its mother went to the store? Chocolate Chips!
Did you hear the glass of juice won a fight? Yeah, it had some real punch to it!
Did you hear the tornado got in trouble for lying? Yeah, it tried to twist the truth around!
Did you hear the joke book did the same thing day in and day out? Yeah, it loved it's comedy routine!
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