Thursday, July 30, 2026
Monday, July 27, 2026
My Sarcastic Turtle
My turtle was going to the grocery store to get some ingredients to make pies. I joked and said, "Don't forget to buy some good shells!"
I thought my joke was funny. My turtle did not.
My turtle came home with a bag full of vitamins and told me to take some. I asked him why.
He said because my brain needs a boost when I tell dumb jokes. He shoved an entire bottle of vitamins down my throat.
Now when my turtle wants to bake pies I just ask him for a slice and keep my mouth shut.
I have a very sarcastic turtle.
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)
Daily Joke
(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).
My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over to dinner. When she arrived she found a psychiatrist sitting next to my brother at the dinner table. She asked my brother why he invited a psychiatrist to dinner.
My brother answered: "My wife said you drive people crazy. The psychiatrist is here to help the other dinner guest stay sane."
The Plumber's Wishes
Picture from Free Clip-Art Library
One day Ralph the Plumber was called to the home of of a pretty woman. Oh, how he hated being a plumber. He despised his job. And what pretty woman would pay him any mind?
"I flushed my my car keys down the toilet by mistake," the woman informed Ralph. "Please hurry. I have a very important date."
"Don't worry. I'll get your keys." Ralph walked into a nice bathroom feeling low and sad. To his shock the toilet began to talk.
"I'll grant you three wishes," the toilet told Ralph.
Ralph thought he was going crazy, but the toilet was really talking. "Okay, my first wish is to be very rich."
"Done." Tons of gold and tall piles of money appeared around Ralph. "What is your next wish."
"Well, I would like a pretty wife."
"Done," the toilet said. The woman who had called Ralph about her keys appeared next to him wearing a pretty dress. "What is your last wish?"
Wow, Ralph thought, I'm rich and I have a pretty wife. I still got one wish left. And I know just what my last wish is going to be. "I wish I was the smartest man in the world."
Suddenly all the money and gold vanished. The pretty woman vanished. "Hey, what's the big idea?" Ralph demanded.
"Smart men do not believe toilets can grant wishes," the toilet answered.
Sunday, July 26, 2026
Ayyy, It's Time For Some Happy Days Jokes
Why was Happy Days so talkative? It had a lot of Malphs!
Why did people from the future go see Mr. Cunningham? He had a lot of hardware!
Who made Happy Days very wealthy? Richie!
What did Ralph think of the actor who played him? He thought he was the Most!
What did Richie give his girlfriend? A famous Linda Purl!
Why was the Fonze so angry when he went into a furniture store? He was told to sit on it!
Why did Richie's Band go see the Fonze? They needed a good tune up!
Did you hear no one was ever lonely on Happy Days? They had a lot of Goodfriend's around.
Why was Mrs. Cunningham so tired after attending three weddings in one week ? There was a lot of Marion going on!
What does the Fonze tell his grandchildren? Ayyy, those were some Happy Days!
Friday, July 24, 2026
Thursday, July 23, 2026
Let's Hit Some Funny Notes!
Why did the pianist fail his class? He kept forgetting his notes!
Did you hear the pianist couldn't get into his home? Yeah, he couldn't find the right key!
Did you hear the pianist had to get stitches? Yeah, he cut himself on a lot of sharp notes!
Where does a pianist live in London? In his flat!
Why was the pianist so poor? He only had quarter notes in his pocket!
Did you hear the sheet music went to prison? Yeah, it really ended up behind bars!
Why was the pianist so tired all the time? He could only get in a half rest during the day!
Did the you hear the sheet music was very forgetful? Yeah, it kept repeating the same notes!
Why didn't the pianist like the playing the violin? It wasn't his forte!
Why did the pianist get in trouble when he brought his report card home? He had some serious Major F's on it!
Wednesday, July 22, 2026
Mother Of All Jokes
Dan worked hard day and night, but he couldn't afford to send his wife to the beauty parlor each week.
"We just can't afford it right now," Dan explained. "We have bills to pay and groceries and clothes to buy. We have a car payment and the kids need money for braces." On and on Dan rattled off all the bills.
Finally his wife yelled: "Okay, okay, I get it."
Dan felt bad. "Listen honey, you have a lot of time on your hands each day. Why don't you get a part-time job and earn some money to go to the beauty parlor?"
His wife liked the idea. For one week straight she left her home and went to her job for a couple of hours. Dan was very proud.
Then one night Dan heard police sirens. His wife came running into the house wearing a mask and holding a bag of stolen money. "What in the world is going on?"
His wife slammed the front door closed. "Well, you told me to get a part-time job, remember?"
"Yeah," Dan nodded his head.
"Well, you know how good I am at cleaning?" his wife exclaimed.
"Yeah, yeah," Dan said as police cars pulled up in front of his house.
"Well, I've been going around town all week cleaning out every bank I could find!"
Tuesday, July 21, 2026
Laugh With Daren Streblow
Christian Comedian Daren Streblow
Come along and enjoy a buffet full of clean laughs!
Don't Be Afraid to Laugh Until You Cry!
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)
My Brother Ain't So Smart
Daily Joke
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)
My Brother Ain't So Smart
Daily Joke
(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).
My brother ain't so smart. He felt bad because he told his wife a joke and she didn't laugh. He asked his wife why she didn't laugh at his joke. After his wife told him the reason my brother grabbed a flashlight and went outside. He stayed outside all night long. Finally his wife asked him what he was doing.
My brother answered, "You didn't laugh at my joke because you said I lost my sense of humor. I've been outside all night trying to find it."
Ventriloquist Meets the Mafia Jokes
Why did the Mafia Boss fire the ventriloquist? He was a real dummy!
Did you the hear the ventriloquist tried to plead the Fifth Amendment? He couldn't because his mouth kept moving!
Did you hear the Mafia boss kept teasing the ventriloquist? Yeah, he kept throwing his voice around!
What did the Mafia boss tell the ventriloquist when the cops arrived? Keep your mouth shut!
Why was the ventriloquist a bad witness in court? He was too tight-lipped!
Why did the Mafia Boss think the ventriloquist was crazy? He had a lot of voices in his head!
Why was the Mafia Boss suspicious over the ventriloquist? He didn't sound real enough!
What did the Mafia Boss tell the ventriloquist about his dummy? He's a real chip off the old block!
Did you hear the ventriloquist witnessed the Mafia Boss commit a crime? Yeah, but he never said a word!
Why didn't the ventriloquist need a gun to protect himself against the Mafia Boss? Because he was always shooting off at the mouth!
Will You Marry Me Jokes
Why was the woman so mad at her boyfriend? He wasn't Engaging enough!
Why couldn't the newlyweds communicate very well? Their reception was bad!
Did you hear the newlyweds had a sweet tooth? Yeah, they liked their Honeymoon!
Why was the woman so tired when she was proposed to? Her boyfriend was running rings around her!
How do newlyweds see through their eyes? Love at first sight!
Did you hear the husband was worried over the bills? Yeah, he could only get a penny for his wife's thoughts!
Why did the woman hit her boyfriend with a broom when he asked her to marry him? He didn't propose in a way that swept her off her feet!
Did you hear the newlyweds bought two rifles? Yeah, they wanted to go house hunting!
Why did the boyfriend take his girlfriend to go bungee jumping? He was ready to take the leap with her!
What did the husband say when his wife told him she was pregnant? You're kidding!
My Sarcastic Turtle
My turtle told me he wanted to go to the beach for the day.
I joked and said: Don't be too crabby if you don't find any shells!
I thought my joke was funny. My turtle did not.
My turtle came home from the beach with some crabs. He put the crabs in my bed while I was sleeping.
The next time my turtle went to the beach I just told him to have a good time.
I have a very sarcastic turtle.
Jokes With Comedy The Dog
Monday, July 20, 2026
That's All Folks Jokes
Jokes 80s Style
Why did E.T. have so much debt? Because he kept making too many long distance phone calls and couldn't pay his bill!
Why did Optimus Prime call the power company and complain? Because all of his 'Transformers' went out!
Why did kids have trouble in the 1980s? Because they had a lot of 'Growing Pains'!
Who did the thief get caught by after stealing a bunch of stuff at the home of a great inventor? Inspector Gadget!
Why did Johnny 5 always have a bad temper? He had a very 'Short Circuit'!
When did all the animals in the forest gather to see the rocket blast into space? When the 'Care Bear Countdown' began!
What did Heathcliff do when he needed a ride to the fish market? He called the 'Catillac Cats' for a ride!
Why didn't parents like the name 'Dennis' in the 80s? Because kids with that name grew up to be a 'Menace'!
Why didn't Mario make it to his spaghetti dinner on time? Because he was really 'Drained' from work!
Why wasn't doing the laundry ever boring in the 80s? Because the laundry always had a bunch of 'Shirt Tales'!
Why did people like playing cards in the 80s? Because they always got a 'Full House'!
What did MacGyver do when he got in trouble? Hey, we're talking about MacGyver, the guy can do anything!
Sunday, July 19, 2026
Time for some Ninja Turtle Humor For The Kids!
How did the Ninja Turtles feel after finding out their pizza had anchovies on it? Really Shell Shocked!
Why did Splinter hire his enemy? He needed a Shredder in his office!
Why did Shredder have such a huge medical bill? He had to send his Foot Clan to see a Podiatrist!
Why didn't Shredder trust Splinter? He thought Splinter was a real Rat!
What does Shredder like to have for dinner? Turtle Soup!
Why do the Ninja Turtles have to take baths everyday? Their always covered in Ooze!
What does April O'Neil shine her news van with? Turtle Wax!
Why does the pizza delivery man like to deliver to the Ninja Turtles? They really know how to shell out a good tip!
Why couldn't Shredder trust Bebop? He wasn't Rock Steady enough!
How does New York get electricity when the lights goes out? Turtle Power!!!
Help Me Find Some Blue's Clues Jokes For the Kids!
Why was Steve so sad all the time? Because all of his clues were Blue!
Why didn't Steve have a good time at the beach? He forgot his Shovel and Pail!
Did you hear Steve's friend was good at escaping? Yeah, he was really Slippery!
Why couldn't Steve's friend own any dogs? He was really Tickety!
Why was Steve's furniture so lazy? All he had was a Sitting Chair!
Why was Blue so compassionate? Because she really Felt her friends feelings!
What happened when Mr. Salt and Mrs. Pepper missed a show? The episode lost its flavor!
How did Mailbox get home to play Blue's Clues on time? He traveled Express Mail!
Did you hear Blue's artwork wasn't original? Yeah, they were just Paw Prints!
Why did Steve need so much help playing Blue Clues? Because he could never think...think...think...on his own!
Care Bear Countdown Jokes For The Kids
Picture is from free Clip-Art Library
Did you hear the Care Bear woke up on the wrong side of the bed? Yeah, he was A Grumpy Bear all day!
Did you hear the Care Bear became a Cardiologist? He was great at Heart Care!
Did you hear the Care Bear opened a store? Yeah, he called his store Love-A-Lot!
What Care Bear always got in trouble for not paying attention in school? Day Dream Bear!
What Care Bear do people like to be around on vacation? A good Ocean Breeze Bear!
What Care Bear works for the CIA? Secret Bear!
What did the coach tell his players? Do Your Best Bears!
What Care Bear does not like clocks? Bed Time Bear!
Why did the Care Bear's teacher always brag on him? Because he was Always There in class!
Did you hear the Care Bear had people rolling on the floor? Yeah, he was really a Laugh A lot Bear!
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)
Daily Joke
(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).
My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over for dinner. When she arrived she saw my brother shoving cotton balls into everyone's ears. She asked my brother what he was going?
My brother told her, "Before you arrived your daughter said you are a loud mouth and I don't want anyone going deaf!"
My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)
Daily Joke
(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved)
My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over to dinner. When she arrived my brother grabbed her, shoved her in a big box, poked some holes in the box, and mailed the box to a friend.
When the friend received the box he was very confused. He called my brother and asked: "Why did you mail me your mother-in-law?"
My brother answered: "Well, it is Christmas and you told me you love fruit cake. My mother-in-law is the biggest fruit cake in the world."
I want Some Peanuts With My Jokes
Picture is from Free Clip-Art Library
Why was Charlie Brown so happy when he felt sad? He had a lot of 'Good Grief'!
Why was Pig Pen so good at blackmailing everybody? Because he had dirt on all of his friends!
Did you hear Marcie had a sweet tooth? Yeah, she always liked to have Peppermint Patty around.
Why does Snoopy Love the 1960s so much? Because he's always at Woodstock's place!
Why couldn't Schroeder unlock the door to his home? He was off one key!
Why does Snoopy have weird dreams about World War I? He's always eating Red Baron pizza right before bed!
Why did Snoopy cry out in pain at a family reunion? He stepped on a Spike!
Why does Linus carry his blanket to school everyday? He needs a lot of book covers!
Why can't Charlie Brown Sing in the choir during baseball season? Because his pitch is always bad!
Why can't Charlie Brown get his sizes right? Because all he sees is a little red headed girl!
Friday, July 17, 2026
Time For Some Crazy Jokes
Why did the baseball player get put in a mental hospital? He went a little batty!
Why did the race car driver have to quit driving? He went a little loopy!
Why did the the grocery store get shut down? It's fruit section went Bananas!
Why did the astronaut get locked in a cell? He went out of his mind!
Why didn't people want to go near the scale? Its mind was always unbalanced!
Why the game store closed? It lost its marbles!
Why did the audiologist get fired? His mind was unsound!
Why did the zoo have to call the mental hospital? All of the animals went apes!
Why did the Seismologist go insane? His mind cracked!
Why did the comedian get locked away when his routine fell apart? He became severely unglued!
Thursday, July 16, 2026
A Little Cold Humor
What is a Polar Bears favorite snack? Ice Chips!
Did you hear the Polar Bear needed a map? Yeah, it couldn't find Caribou!
Why is music so pretty in the snow? Because it's played by Harp Seals!
Did you hear the Polar Bear got a new hair do? Yeah, it wanted some Arctic Hare!
Why did the Polar Bear carry an umbrella? There were a lot of reindeer around!
Who do the cold weather animals obey? The Emperor Penguin!
What tool does a Polar Bear like to use? A snow owl!
Did you hear the Polar Bear failed at selling shaving razors? It tried to sell them to Bearded Seals!
Why does the Polar Bear write outside only when it's snowing? It needs white out to erase mistakes!
Did you hear the Orca Whale became a famous comedian? Yeah, it had killer jokes!
Tuesday, July 14, 2026
Murder On Riley Street: Book 3 of the Riley MacLeod Series (Clean Comedy)
Link to Book: Murder On Riley Street
Join Riley MacLeod for another crazy
adventure as he tries to save his neighborhood while the world watches.
Will Riley become a hero or end up stew?
It's summer
break. The kids are away at Bible Camp. The birds are chirping. The
skies are blue. There's nothing more relaxing to Riley MacLeod. All he
has to do is sit in the comfort of his living room and watch old hockey
games, right? It seems that way until Riley's wife snatches him up by
the hair of the head and orders him to mow the yard. Fearing for his
life, Riley quickly goes outside to mow the yard without knowing that he
is about to be thrust into a strange murder mystery.
When Riley sees a man standing on Old Man Murray's porch he decides to investigate. Unfortunately Riley falls and hurts his nose. With blood gushing everywhere he leaves a trail of red goo all over Old Man Murray's front porch. When Old Man Murray turns up missing all eyes fall on him. That's when Riley decides to solve the murder case himself and uh, becomes 'Detective Riley MacLeod'. Unfortunately, Detective Riley MacLeod gets into more mischief than he can handle, and ends up going face to face with an actual killer.
About the Author:
Paul
Flanagan is on a mission to write clean comedy books that families can
read together. Clean, fun, laughter derived from hilarious characters
and comical situations are his tools--along with a crazy imagination
full of insane, funny, quirky and friendly characters.
Paul
believes clean comedy books are needed in a world where smut and filth
are published at a breath taking speed. His goal is to publish
short,clean, comedy books that families can sit down and laugh at
together. His goal is to bring back decent comedy books.
Paul loves Jesus with all his heart. His desire is to honor G-D in all he does.
Get Riley To the Party On Time: Book 2 of the Riley MacLeod Series (Clean Comedy)
Link to Book: Get Riley To The Party On Time
Will Riley make it to the Christmas Party on time or will he end up in the hospital again? https://www.amazon.com/Riley-Party-Time-MacLeod-Book-ebook/dp/B0CP5CJ4SF
Riley
MacLeod is expecting a very important phone call from a man who can
make or break his writing career. But first he must shovel the front
walk of his house for his wife who is expecting a group of women from
their local church. Not a big deal, shovel the walk and then go back
inside and wait for the phone call. But when Charlie, Riley's best
friend, appears out of nowhere and sprays him with a water gun full of
vinegar, Riley's otherwise calm morning becomes a rolling snowball that
turns into a humorous nightmare filled with one misadventure after
another.
After being sprayed with vinegar Riley has a 'Conflict' with the preacher's wife, gets a ticket, gets banned from church, causes a brawl at the Detroit Airport, gets chased by a gang member, gets bullied by a cop, becomes trapped in the 'Twi-Light Zone', has a midget attack him, escapes from the police, crash lands in the Arizona desert, makes friends with a biker gang...and finally reaches Los Angeles just in time to attend a very important Christmas party.
Of course, that's normal for a man like Riley MacLeod who should have never gotten out of bed.
About the Author:
Paul
Flanagan is on a mission to write clean comedy books that families can
read together. Clean, fun, laughter derived from hilarious characters
and comical situations are his tools--along with a crazy imagination
full of insane, funny, quirky and friendly characters.
Paul
believes clean comedy books are needed in a world where smut and filth
are published at a breath taking speed. His goal is to publish
short,clean, comedy books that families can sit down and laugh at
together. His goal is to bring back decent comedy books.
Paul loves Jesus with all his heart. His desire is to honor G-D in all he does.
Carving Up Riley
Meet Riley MacLeod...loving husband...caring father...faithful friend...successful writer...and the world's biggest idiot. Of course, in Riley's insane mind he sees himself as the world's biggest...well...hero. However, when Riley's wife insists they take a romantic drive from Vermont to Minnesota to spend Thanksgiving with her family who is far from normal themselves, the man who is hated by his neighbors and loathed by an angry tom cat, sets out to prove that he isn't an idiot...under duress, of course.
The trip begins with Riley getting tied up by his best friend, his clothes stolen by a group of mischievous teenagers, and a tow truck driver with a happy gun finger. Determined to keep pushing forward, under duress of course, Riley continues down the road desperately trying to leave the state of Vermont only to encounter a killer truck driver, a girl with strange colored hair, and a pair of old people who turn out to be drug dealers. Yet, through it all, Riley somehow turns out to be a hero...well, kinda.
Will Riley MacLeod and his wife make it to the Thanksgiving table in one piece or will they end up in a mental hospital locked away in little padded rooms?
About the series:
The Riley MacLeod series is revolves around a goofy husband who writes movies for a living. Riley lives in Vermont with his wife and two daughters. He lives in a neighborhood full of neighbors that want him deported to Antarctica. Riley has a best friend named Charlie. Charlie is almost as insane as Riley. Riley possesses a crazy imagination and sense of humor--along with a mouth that he can never keep closed--that is constantly getting him into trouble.
In the first installment of the Riley MacLeod series Riley and his wife Rebecca decide to drive from Vermont to Minnesota for Thanksgiving. They send their two daughters on ahead and intend to have a nice, romantic, drive. Right? Well, that was the goal. But we're talking about Riley MacLeod. What begins as a hopeful, romantic, road trip ends with up Riley getting tied up by his best friend, having his clothes stolen, getting shot at, beat up, chased, threatened and even tased. And that all happens before he even manages to leave the state of Vermont.
The Riley MacLeod series will consists of six-fun filled installments that will you keep you laughing as you turn each page.
About the Author:
Paul
Flanagan is on a mission to write clean comedy books that families can
read together. Clean, fun, laughter derived from hilarious characters
and comical situations are his tools--along with a crazy imagination
full of insane, funny, quirky and friendly characters.
Paul
believes clean comedy books are needed in a world where smut and filth
are published at a breath taking speed. His goal is to publish
short,clean, comedy books that families can sit down and laugh at
together. His goal is to bring back decent comedy books.
Paul loves Jesus with all his heart. His desire is to honor G-D in all he does.
Also now Published!!!
Riley MacLeod: "Getting Riley to the Party on Time"
Riley MacLeod: "Murder On Riley Street"
My Sarcastic Turtle
I told my Turtle a joke today.
'Why did the Turtle get in trouble at his job? Because he was too slow at doing his work!'
I thought the joke was funny. My Turtle did not.
My Turtle called the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and reported me for work place harassment.
I'm no longer allowed to tell my Turtle jokes when he's on the clock.
I have a very sarcastic Turtle
More Jokes 80s Style (Songs Only)
Where did everyone meet in the 80s? At 'Our House', in the middle of Our Street
What did the boy tell his mother when he saw a flock of seagulls at the beach? 'I Ran So Far Away'
Why didn't kids in the 80s ever try to go to college? Because they all had 'Simple Minds'
Why were there so many super villains in the 80s? Because 'Everybody Wants To Rule The World'
What did everyone say when someone knocked on their door in the 80s? 'Who Can It Be Now'
What did you say when you fell in love in the 80s? 'Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now'
Why did people in the 80's get burned feet all the time? Because they were always 'Walking On Sunshine'
What did you say when you found your soul mate in the 80s? 'Never Gonna Give You Up'
Why did people go outside at night in the 80s all the time? They wanted to see a 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'
Where did everybody want to go on vacation in the 80s? The Land 'Down Under'
Why didn't people go into a jungle in the 80s? Because they were afraid of the 'Eye of the Tiger'
What did sports teams in the 80s tell each other? 'Take On Me'
What did people tell each other in the 80s when they said goodbye? 'Don't You Forget About Me'



































