Monday, September 9, 2024
Friday, September 6, 2024
Don't Rain On My Jokes
Don't Rain On My Jokes
Who do you call when there is no electricity? A bolt of lightning. It will really 'Light Up' things again!
What did the rain say to its relatives? I thought I'd just drop in for a visit!
Did you hear that the storm clouds were called out to find a lost girl? Yeah, 'Windy' was missing!
Why did the rain drop hire the tornado as its talent agent? Because the tornado would really get its career spinning!
Did you hear that the hurricane couldn't come onto land? Its parents told it to stay at 'Sea Level'.
Bad Jokes Are Illegal
Bad Jokes Are Illegal
Did you hear about the snail that got arrested? His attorney was too slow in proving he was innocent!
What do you get when you cross an insect with a kangaroo? A grasshopper!
Did you hear about the bread that had to go to the hospital? Yeah, it got sliced up pretty bad!
Did you hear about the flea that wanted to be a cat? Yeah, it wanted to be a 'Flealine'!
What do you call a cop who is always inside a police station? 'Injustice'!
I'm Gonna Nail This Joke
I'm Gonna Nail This Joke
A five year old boy wanted to help his dad build a dog house for his new dog. He worked with his dad all day. The dog house came out great. The boy was very happy but told his dad the dog house needed one more thing. The boy put a sign on the dog house. The sign read 'My Dog Only. Daddy Not Allowed When He Gets In Trouble With Mom'.
Thursday, September 5, 2024
Wednesday, September 4, 2024
10 Signs You've Been On A Diet Way Too Long
1. People think you've escaped from a medical research facility
2. Your dog is always trying to chew on your bones
3. Your girlfriend is jealous because you are skinnier than she is
4. You never wear a costume but people always think you are going to a costume party
5. Your bones rattle so much you scare your neighbors
6. Your doctor tries to use you in his medical class
7. Your science teacher always has a bone to pick with you
8. Your siblings try to bury you in the backyard
9. Chef's are always trying to use you to make bone broth
10. Your funny bone can no longer tell fat jokes
Todays Mario and Luigi Joke
The owner of the pizza shop agrees. Mario and Luigi smile. They have an easy job and two free pizzas. But when they go into the bathroom they find Koopa shoving gooey cheese into the toilet. They yell at Koopa: What you doing? We'll never be able to unclog that toilet now!"
Koopa answers: "I wanted a pizza. I like stinky cheese on my pizza. The pizza shop was out so I'm making it myself!"
* All jokes are my own. Not to be sold or redistributed. All right reserved.
Monday, September 2, 2024
10 Signs That Your Dog Has Gone Crazy
1. Your dog has requested that you start calling him MacGyver and you find him trying to build a bomb out of a toilet paper roll
2. Your dog thinks the Queen of England is really the dog catcher and puts cayenne pepper in all of her tea
3. Your dog demands he be allowed to attend Harvard Law School because he wants to become a lawyer and defend all dogs that get in trouble for peeing in the house
4. Your dog goes to the movie store and rents 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' because he wants Shredder to open all of his cans of dog food.
5. Your dog is making plans to break into the veterinarian's office and to steal all the dog muzzles in order to sell them on the black market
6. Your dog refuses to eat his dog food because he claims there's hidden insects in the food that want to take over his brain
7. Your dog performs stand-up comedy routines for the local stray cats in order to earn enough money to pay for a new Accordion
8. Your dog tapes himself to the ceiling because he claims the floor is wired and CIA agents are everywhere
9. Your dog plans to run for President in order to decree 'Peeing On A Fire Hydrant' a national holiday
10. Your dog watches nothing but Mr. Bean
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