Thoughts on Crazy Driving in America and a Solution

Thoughts on Crazy Driving in America and a Solution 

Is it so hard to use a blinker? Will people's hands break off?

If we have to press '1' for English when we make a phone call then how can immigrants in America read road signs in English? Scary!

Who was the wise guy who thought it was a bright idea to give a sixteen year old kid a driver's license when the kid can't even vote or join the military or wipe his own rear end the the right way? 

We're a civilized people? We travel at dangerous high speeds with only a painted line to divide us from incoming traffic. Real smart!

A person can walk into a liquor store, buy a bottle of liquor, and then get into his car and drive away. Yeah, that little painted line on the road is going to really save me!

School buses do not have seat belts for kids but a driver can be given a ticket by a cop for not wearing a seat belt--uh, can someone explain that to me? 

There is a fast lane and a slow lane. My question is...why? Shouldn't all traffic travel at the same speed? It's called obeying the speed limit!!! 

The interstates and highways in America are one long game of Russian Roulette.

There are over three hundred million people in America...countless people driving all at once in different sized vehicles at different speeds, and some of them can't even read or speak English...yeah, and people wonder why there are so many funeral homes in America.

The yellow light on a stop light means 'START TO SLOW DOWN' not 'HIT THE GAS'! 

People who throw trash out of their cars should be sent to a prison camp in outer Serbia for twenty years!

Here's a hint: All the mirrors attached to your car are to be used to help you drive in traffic not put on your makeup. 

People who drive and talk or text on their cellphone need to be shipped to the Sahara Desert in the middle of July! 

People who blast their radios so loud the earth shakes should be put in a room with a loud siren constantly blaring for one whole year!  

I get a little nervous if someone starts to walk behind me to close in a grocery store--so why do people follow behind my car like they are trying to read my VIN number up close and personal? 

Solution: Go back to the horse and buggy days! You never had a sheriff pulling over a drunk cowboy swerving down main street on his horse!

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).

 

My brother ain't so smart. He had an argument with his wife. After the argument ended he went up to the bathroom with a snorkel. After many hours passed his wife calmed down and began looking for him. She found my brother in the bathroom with his head submerged in a bathtub full of water. She pulled him out and asked him what he was doing.

My brother removed his snorkel and answered, "After our argument you said I should go soak my fat head. I've been soaking my fat head for hours."  

America Before and After the Liberals Showed Up

 America Before The Liberals Showed Up

 

America After The Liberals Showed Up

 

Animal Mafia Joke

 (Mr. Rinotella--the Mafia Boss)

Why was Paulie the Pool Shark so scared of the mafia? Because if he didn't pay the money he owed the Mafia Boss he was going to go sleep with the fishes! 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).

 

My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over for dinner. When the woman arrived my brother put an astronaut suit on her and rushed her outside. A huge rocket was in the backyard. His mother-in-law asked him what in the world he was doing and what the rocket was for.

My brother answered, "Before you arrived your daughter told me to stand clear of you because you need lots of space. I want to help you have all the space you want!"  

 

 

My Sarcastic Turtle

 I told my Turtle a joke today. 

'Why did the Turtle get in trouble at his job? Because he was too slow at doing his work!' 

I thought the joke was funny. My Turtle did not.

 

My Turtle called the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission and reported me for work place harassment. 

I'm no longer allowed to tell my Turtle jokes when he's on the clock.

I have a very sarcastic Turtle  

More Jokes 80s Style (Songs Only)

 

Where did everyone meet in the 80s? At 'Our House', in the middle of Our Street

What did the boy tell his mother when he saw a flock of seagulls at the beach? 'I Ran So Far Away' 

Why didn't kids in the 80s ever try to go to college? Because they all had 'Simple Minds'

Why were there so many super villains in the 80s? Because 'Everybody Wants To Rule The World' 

What did everyone say when someone knocked on their door in the 80s? 'Who Can It Be Now'

What did you say when you fell in love in the 80s? 'Nothings Gonna Stop Us Now'

Why did people in the 80's get burned feet all the time? Because they were always 'Walking On Sunshine'

What did you say when you found your soul mate in the 80s? 'Never Gonna Give You Up' 

Why did people go outside at night in the 80s all the time? They wanted to see a 'Total Eclipse of the Heart' 

Where did everybody want to go on vacation in the 80s? The Land 'Down Under'    

Why didn't people go into a jungle in the 80s? Because they were afraid of the 'Eye of the Tiger' 

What did sports teams in the 80s tell each other? 'Take On Me' 

What did people tell each other in the 80s when they said goodbye? 'Don't You Forget About Me'

 

 

     

  

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).

 

My brother ain't so smart. It was his dog's birthday. His entire family gathered together to give the dog gifts. His wife gave the dog a chew bone. His daughter gave the dog a bag of dog treats. When it came my brother's turn he put a stack of books down with flat tires attached to them. His wife asked him why he had bought the dog a stack of books with flat tries attached to them.

My brother answered, "You told me our dog always likes to chase his tail but can never catch it. Now he can chase all the 'tales' he wants without them getting away." 

 

 

 

My Sarcastic Turtle

I told this joke to my Turtle today:  

"Why did the Turtle have to go see a psychiatrist? Because he was shell-shocked!" 

I thought the joke was very funny. My Turtle, on the other hand, did not. He has an attitude at times.

My Turtle looked at me like I was insane and then told me a joke.

"What happened to the man who told his Turtle a dumb joke? He ended up being shelled with lawsuits!" 

Then my Turtle told me to shut up and leave him alone before he sued me for emotional and mental damage. I'm afraid of my Turtle's lawyer so I left him alone.

I have a very sarcastic Turtle. 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).

 

My brother ain't so smart. His wife went grocery shopping with her mother. My brother had to go along. At the grocery store his wife made a quick comment when her mother walked away. When the woman returned my brother grabbed her and pulled her down onto the floor. His mother-in-law asked him what in the world he was doing.

My brother answered, "When you walked away your daughter said you're fat and need to start looking for low fat foods. I'll stay down here and help you look!" 

 

 

Veggies Tales: Larry Sings The Blues...Kinda

 Come Hear Larry Sing the Blues...well, Kinda

If You Have The Blues Sing Them Away Larry's Way! 

(Song From Veggie Tales Silly Songs Collection)

 

 

Jokes 80s Style

 

 

Why did E.T. have so much debt? Because he kept making too many long distance phone calls and couldn't pay his bill!    

Why did Optimus Prime call the power company and complain? Because all of his 'Transformers' went out! 

Why did kids have trouble in the 1980s? Because they had a lot of 'Growing Pains'! 

Who did the thief get caught by after stealing a bunch of stuff at the home of a great inventor? Inspector Gadget!    

Why did Johnny 5 always have a bad temper? He had a very 'Short Circuit'!

When did all the animals in the forest gather to see the rocket blast into space? When the 'Care Bear Countdown' began! 

What did Heathcliff do when he needed a ride to the fish market? He called the 'Catillac Cats' for a ride! 

Why didn't parents like the name 'Dennis' in the 80s? Because kids with that name grew up to be a 'Menace'! 

Why didn't Mario make it to his spaghetti dinner on time? Because he was really 'Drained' from work! 

Why wasn't doing the laundry ever boring in the 80s? Because the laundry always had a bunch of 'Shirt Tales'!

Why did people like playing cards in the 80s? Because they always got a 'Full House'!

What did MacGyver do when he got in trouble? Hey, we're talking about MacGyver, the guy can do anything! 

 

 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).

 

My brother ain't so smart. His boss came over for dinner. When he arrived my brother found a marker and began coloring his boss' nose. His boss asked him what in the world he was doing.

My brother answered, "Before you arrived your wife called and said I better brown nose you.  I'm coloring your nose brown!"

  

Get Ready to Laugh with Daren Streblow

 Get ready to laugh with Christian Comedian Daren Streblow! 

(Warning: You may bust a gut laughing. Not responsible for soda coming out of anyone's nose)

 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved).

  

My brother ain't so smart. He felt bad because he told his wife a joke and she didn't laugh. He asked his wife why she didn't laugh at his joke. After his wife told him the reason my brother grabbed a flashlight and went outside. He stayed outside all night long. Finally his wife asked him what he was doing.

 My brother answered, "You didn't laugh at my joke because you said I lost my sense of humor. I've been outside all night trying to find it."

 

 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved). 

My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over for dinner. When she arrived my brother immediately put a blanket on her and made her stand in front of a heater. His mother-in-law asked him what in the world he was doing.

 

My brother answered, "Before you arrived your daughter said your heart is colder than ice. I'm just trying to warm your heart up!"

 

 

Laugh with Clowny (clean clown jokes for the kids)

 

 

Did you hear about the clown who tried to take someone else's turn?? Yeah, he had to go to the back of the 'One-Liner's'.

Why couldn't the clown pass math class? He kept eating all the 'Pi's'. 

Why did the clown get so sad when he lost his piggy bank? Because he could no longer 'Change' his act.  

Why did the clown go to see a doctor? Because his funny bone wouldn't stop telling jokes.  

 Did you hear about the clown who wanted to become an astronaut? He wanted his jokes to be out of this world!

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved). 

My brother ain't so smart. He was very bored. His wife told him why he was bored. My brother thought about what his wife said and then ran out to the garage and found a hammer and then ran back inside. His wife asked him what he was going to do with the hammer.

 

My brother answered, "You said I'm bored because I need some change in my life. I'm going upstairs to break open my piggy bank and then I'll have all the change I need!"

 

 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved). 

My brother ain't so smart. He told his wife he wanted to be a reporter. His wife gave him some advice and then left to run chores. My brother thought about his wife's advice and rushed out of the house. Hours later a woman who worked at a local ice cream shop called his wife and told her that my brother had been standing next to the ice cream all day. His wife rushed to my brother and asked him what he was doing.

My brother answered, "You said if I'm going to be a good reporter I need to go where the good scoops are at. I've been here all day and boy have I've seen some good scoops!"

 

 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)

 My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved). 

My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over for dinner. When she arrived she saw my brother hiding all the dinner knives as fast as he could. His mother-in-law asked him why he was hiding all the dinner knives.

 

My brother answered, "Before you arrived your daughter said you are the kind of woman who likes to stab people in the back. I don't want you hurting any of the dinner guests!"

 

 

 

Carving Up Riley

 

Riley MacLeod Series: 

"Carving Up Riley"

 

 

 https://www.amazon.com/Carving-Up-Riley-MacLeod-Book/dp/B0BZFG511Q/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=1680044691&sr=1-1

https://www.booksamillion.com/p/Carving-Up-Riley/Paul-Flanagan/9798388990082 

https://bookshop.org/p/books/carving-up-riley-riley-macleod-series-book-1-paul-flanagan/19940090

 

 Synopsis:

Meet Riley MacLeod...loving husband...caring father...faithful friend...successful writer...and the world's biggest idiot. Of course, in Riley's insane mind he sees himself as the world's biggest...well...hero. However, when Riley's wife insists they take a romantic drive from Vermont to Minnesota to spend Thanksgiving with her family who is far from normal themselves, the man who is hated by his neighbors and loathed by an angry tom cat, sets out to prove that he isn't an idiot...under duress, of course.

The trip begins with Riley getting tied up by his best friend, his clothes stolen by a group of mischievous teenagers, and a tow truck driver with a happy gun finger. Determined to keep pushing forward, under duress of course, Riley continues down the road desperately trying to leave the state of Vermont only to encounter a killer truck driver, a girl with strange colored hair, and a pair of old people who turn out to be drug dealers. Yet, through it all, Riley somehow turns out to be a hero...well, kinda.

Will Riley MacLeod and his wife make it to the Thanksgiving table in one piece or will they end up in a mental hospital locked away in little padded rooms?

 

About the series:  

 The Riley MacLeod series is revolves around a goofy husband who writes movies for a living. Riley lives in Vermont with his wife and two daughters. He lives in a neighborhood full of neighbors that want him deported to Antarctica. Riley has a best friend named Charlie. Charlie is almost as insane as Riley. Riley possesses a crazy imagination and sense of humor--along with a mouth that he can never keep closed--that is constantly getting him into trouble. 

In the first installment of the Riley MacLeod series Riley and his wife Rebecca decide to drive from Vermont to Minnesota for Thanksgiving. They send their two daughters on ahead and intend to have a nice, romantic, drive. Right? Well, that was the goal. But we're talking about Riley MacLeod. What begins as a hopeful, romantic, road trip ends with up Riley getting tied up by his best friend, having his clothes stolen, getting shot at, beat up, chased, threatened and even tased. And that all happens before he even manages to leave the state of Vermont. 

The Riley MacLeod series will consists of six-fun filled installments that will you keep you laughing as you turn each page.

 

About the Author:

Paul Flanagan is on a mission to write clean comedy books that families can read together. Clean, fun, laughter derived from hilarious characters and comical situations are his tools--along with a crazy imagination full of insane, funny, quirky and friendly characters.

Paul believes clean comedy books are needed in a world where smut and filth are published at a breath taking speed. His goal is to publish short,clean, comedy books that families can sit down and laugh at together. His goal is to bring back decent comedy books.

Paul loves Jesus with all his heart. His desire is to honor G-D in all he does. 

 

Future installments (stay tuned!)

Riley MacLeod: "Getting Riley to the Party on Time"

Riley MacLeod:  "You're Dead Meat Riley"

Riley MacLeod:  "A Riley MacLeod Christmas Carol"

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved). 

My brother ain't so smart. He wanted to go to the gym and work out because he thought getting in shape would make him look very smart. He left his home and arrived back within a short period of time looking very annoyed. His wife asked him what he was doing home so soon.

 

My brother answered, "I can't go to the gym and work out to look smart. There's nothing at the gym but a bunch of dumbbells." 

 

 

Always Be A Kid At Heart

 

 We must never stop being a kid at heart

Below are two videos. The first is the opening theme song to Mister Roger's Neighborhood. The second is the closing song to Mister Roger's Neighborhood. As you listen to the songs take time to remember back to what it felt like to be an innocent kid full of imagination and wonder. 

Take a minute and return back to your childhood and visit Mister Rogers in a time when Imagination lived in the Neighborhood of Make Believe

So get away from the world for a little while and go visit Mister Rogers in his neighborhood and be a kid again...and don't forget to bring your children along and show them what being a kid is all about!

 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved). 

My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over for dinner. When she arrived my brother had all the dinner guest face the dining room wall. His mother-in-law asked him why he had all the dinner guest face the wall.

 

My brother replied, "Before you arrived your daughter said you like to talk behind people's back. Now everyone's back is to you so you can talk away!"

 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved). 

My brother ain't so smart. He took his family to an amusement park for a fun day out. When it came lunch time he vanished. His family had to call a friend to drive them home. When they got home they saw my brother looking depressed. His wife asked him what was wrong and why he had left the amusement park.

 

My brother answered, "At the amusement park our daughter said she wanted a hot dog for lunch. It's been hot all day but I haven't been able to find a dog. I've been looking for hours and now it's cooling off. Looks like she won't get her hot dog."

 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke series)

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved). 

 

My brother ain't so smart. While he was out running errands he bumped into the back of a truck with his car by mistake. A large man jumped out of the truck and told my brother a few harsh words and then drove away. When night arrived my brother had failed to return home. His wife called the cops. The cops found my brother sitting in his car and asked him what he was doing.

 

My brother answered, "The big man I bumped into earlier today told me before I ever try to drive my car again I need to find my brains. I've been looking all day. I still can''t find them."