Welcome to the Twi-light Zone

 Welcome to the 'Twi-Light Zone' 

In Today's Episode We're Going To Look At A Time That Will Shock You

 

Televisions Without Cable Or Remote Controls (gasp)

Cassette Tapes That You Had To Rewind (oh my)

 

VCR's That Played VHS Tapes (screaming in horror)

 

 

 

Telephones Instead of Cellphones (no text messages, no internet, no photos, no social media--the horror of it all!!!) 

 

 

Families Sat Down And Ate Together (the torture)

Families Cared About Each Other And Were Happy (crying out in torment)

Children Played Outside (oh my, impossible!!!) 

We Better Stop Here And Leave the 'Twi-Light Zone' And Return To Your Normal Society Before You Go Crazy!!!

 

 

 

Ah Much Better

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh No! The Humans Are Awake!

 How Animals Feel When Humans Are Awake

How Animals Feels When Humans Are Asleep

 

My 'Before' and 'After' Marriage Photos

 My 'Before' and 'After' Marriage Photos 

 

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart (Joke Series)

 

My Brother Ain't So Smart 

Daily Joke

(Jokes are part of the 'My Brother Ain't So Smart' series by Paul Flanagan. Jokes are not for reprint. All rights reserved. You can now buy my '101 My Brother Ain't So Smart' joke book for $1.75 at: https://books2read.com/b/bxA7jd)

 

 My brother ain't so smart. His wife invited her mother over for dinner. When my brother's mother-in-law arrived he grabbed the woman and threw her onto a treadmill. His mother-in-law yelled and demanded to know what was going on!

My brother explained: "Well, before you arrived your daughter said you like to throw your weight around. I'm just trying to help you loose some pounds so you won't hurt anybody!" 

 

 

Don't Rain On My Jokes

 Don't Rain On My Jokes 

 Who do you call when there is no electricity? A bolt of lightning. It will really 'Light Up' things again!

What did the rain say to its relatives? I thought I'd just drop in for a visit!

Did you hear that the storm clouds were called out to find a lost girl? Yeah, 'Windy' was missing!

Why did the rain drop hire the tornado as its talent agent? Because the tornado would really get its career spinning!

Did you hear that the hurricane couldn't come onto land? Its parents told it to stay at 'Sea Level'. 

 

 

 

 

Bad Jokes Are Illegal

 Bad Jokes Are Illegal 

 

 

Did you hear about the snail that got arrested? His attorney was too slow in proving he was innocent!

 

What do you get when you cross an insect with a kangaroo? A  grasshopper!

Did you hear about the bread  that had to go to the hospital? Yeah, it got sliced up pretty bad!

 

Did you hear about the flea that wanted to be a cat? Yeah, it wanted to be a 'Flealine'!

 

What do you call a cop who is always inside a police station? 'Injustice'!

I'm Gonna Nail This Joke

 I'm Gonna Nail This Joke 

 

 

A five year old boy wanted to help his dad build a dog house for his new dog. He worked with his dad all day. The dog house came out great. The boy was very happy but told his dad the dog house needed one more thing. The boy put a sign on the dog house. The sign read 'My Dog Only. Daddy Not Allowed When He Gets In Trouble With Mom'.  

 

 

 

Eating Fast Food For A Solid Month

Warning***Photo May Make You Want To Eat Vegetables***Warning

 

This How My Wife and I Looked After Eating Nothing But Fast Food For One Month 

 

 

The Duck Song!!!

 Get Ready To Have Fun with the 'Duck Song'!!! 

Pondering's with Ralph the Alligator and Joey the Pig

Today's Ponderings with Ralph the Alligator and Joey the Pig 

Ralph the Alligator  

 

1. Why don't alligators get to drink 'Gatorade'?

2. Why can't Alligators attend college? They are 'Florida Gators'. 

3. Why doesn't someone give Alligators swimming lessons? They can only float with their eyes out of the water

4. Why don't people realize Alligators are great golfers? They always eat a hole in one.  

5.  Why do Alligators dig for gold? They are always searching for 'Gator Nuggets'.

 

 

 Joey the Pig

 

1. Why do Pigs have to go to the Dermatologist when they get 'Pork Skin'?

2. Why do Pigs  always 'Squeal' to the police when they are arrested?

3. Why do Pigs always say 'Here's Mud in Your Eye'? 

4. Why do Pigs calm down when they get stressed? They're told to stop 'Pigging Out'. 

5. Why do Pigs use when they are ill? The perfect 'Oinkment'

 

Corny Joke Corner: Where the Jokes are so Corny You Don't Need Corn to Laugh

 

What did the bee say to his friend who offered to help her get the honey jar ready for autumn?

"Oh, you're as 'sweet as honey' for helping me"

 

 Why did the little the little boy work out with pails full of honey so much?

He wanted to be 'Bee' very strong

 

 

 

 

Why did the girl bug go to the beach and build a huge sandcastle?

She wanted to become the 'Queen' insect

 

 

What did the cat tell his ball of yarn when the yarn became suspicious over what he was saying?

"Look, there's no 'Strings' attached

 

 

Why was the regular cow so mad at the milk cow?

The milk cow wouldn't let the regular cow 'Milk' the situation for all it was worth 

 

Why did the shark need braces?

He had an awful 'Overbite' 

 

Why did the crab need to borrow money?

He was in bad financial 'Pinch'  

 

The Face My Coffee Mug Made When It Saw My Mother-In-Law For The First Time

The Face My Coffee Mug Made When It Saw My Mother-In-Law For The First Time

 

 

Today I Got A Visit From the Director of the CAIA. I Was Terrified!!!

Today I Got A Visit From the Director of the CAIA (Central Animal Intelligence Agency). I was Terrified!!!

 

 

How Kids See Their Fruits and Veggies After Playing Too Many Video Games

 

 

 

10 Signs You've Been On A Diet Way Too Long

 

1. People think you've escaped from a medical research facility 

2. Your dog is always trying to chew on your bones

3. Your girlfriend is jealous because you are skinnier than she is

4. You never wear a costume but people always think you are going to a costume party

5. Your bones rattle so much you scare your neighbors 

6. Your doctor tries to use you in his medical class 

7. Your  science teacher always has a bone to pick with you

8.  Your siblings try to bury you in the backyard

9. Chef's are always trying to use you to make bone broth

10. Your funny bone can no longer tell fat jokes 

Todays Mario and Luigi Joke

 

Mario and Luigi walk into a pizza shop. They announce: "We were hired to fix a toilet!We'll fix the toilet for a two free pizzas."

The owner of the pizza shop agrees. Mario and Luigi smile. They have an easy job and two free pizzas. But when they go into the bathroom they find Koopa shoving gooey cheese into the toilet. They yell at Koopa: What you doing? We'll never be able to unclog that toilet now!"

Koopa answers: "I wanted a pizza. I like stinky cheese on my pizza. The pizza shop was out so I'm making some stinky cheese myself!"

* All jokes are my own. Not to be sold or redistributed. All right reserved.

How Spiderman Outsmarted Joker

How Spiderman Outsmarted Joker

                        

 

Batman, Incredible Hulk and Spiderman all get trapped by Joker. Joker gives them one wish apiece. They have to be clever with their wishes. Joker is in a mischievous mood.

Batman goes first. He thinks and thinks. Then he makes his wish: "I wish I had the powers of a real bat! Then I could fly away!" Bam! Batman becomes a real bat and is able to fly. He's immediately infected with rabies and hides in shame for the rest of his life. Joker laughs.

 The Incredible Hulk is next. He thinks and thinks. Then he makes his wish. "I wish I was normal and then no villain would try and trap me." Bam! The Incredible Hulks turns into a wimpy cry baby who sunburns easily. He hides in shame.  Joker laughs.

Spiderman is next. He sees that Batman and the Incredible Hulk both made wishes that backfired on them. He knows his wish has to be just right and worded very carefully. He asks Joker: "If I can shoot one web and cover the entire world in the next five seconds will let you me live and give me money each month?"

Joker thinks Spiderman is bluffing and agrees to the deal.

Spiderman makes his wish: "I wish I were owner of the internet." Bam. Spiderman's wish is granted. He becomes owner of the World Wide Web. Now Joker has to pay his internet bill each month. 

* All Jokes Are My Own And Not To Be Redistributed or Sold. All Rights Reserved.

 

 

10 Signs That Your Dog Has Gone Crazy

 

1. Your dog has requested that you start calling him MacGyver and you find him trying to build a bomb out of a toilet paper roll

 

2. Your dog thinks the Queen of England is really the dog catcher and puts cayenne pepper in all of her tea

3. Your dog demands he be allowed to attend Harvard Law School because he wants to become a lawyer and defend all dogs that get in trouble for peeing in the house 

4. Your dog goes to the movie store and rents 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' because he wants Shredder to open all of his cans of dog food. 

5. Your dog is making plans to break into the veterinarian's office and to steal all the dog muzzles in order to sell them on the black market  

6. Your dog refuses to eat his dog food because he claims there's hidden insects in the food that want to take over his brain 

7. Your dog performs stand-up comedy routines for the local stray cats in order to earn enough money to pay for a new Accordion

 

8. Your dog tapes himself to the ceiling because he claims the floor is wired and CIA agents are everywhere 

 

9. Your dog plans to run for President in order to decree 'Peeing On A Fire Hydrant' a national holiday 

 

10. Your dog watches nothing but Mr. Bean